Wars are terrible things. I know this because I've read about a lot of them on Wikipedia. And also because I was just in one. It was me against my brother, Reese. That might not sound like a war to you. Trust me. It was. This is the oral history of the terrible war between twins, Reese and Claudia Tapper.

It began with a cruel and senseless sneak attack in the school cafeteria on Monday, September 8th, at approximately 8:27 a.m. Or possibly it began in the Tapper family kitchen, earlier that morning, with the greedy guzzling of the last brown sugar cinnamon toaster pastry.

What really happened? It depends on who you speak to... This is a hilarious middle-grade comedy that's both totally timeless and completely up-to-the-minute.