Dr. Biddeldorf Goes to Hell.

The ruling council of hell directs Truman Capote to fetch Dr. Harry T. Biffeldorf, PhD, Professor Emeritus, Political Science, at UC Berkeley.

It's time to call in his IOU. "Now this is really elegant. See, hell isn't really so much a place as it is an institution to be preserved.

Actually, we registered with the IRS as a 501(c)(3) nonprofit corporation.

We promote chaos theory." "Huh?" "Oh, come on!

You're the only person in all of eternity who gets the chance to impose order on mayhem.

It should be a blast, really," Capote said. "Just what in hell is it this company wants to accomplish?" "You want the book answer or the truth?" "Pick one.

Then move on to the next." "Okay," said Truman. "Here's the book answer. We have three goals. First, hinder all good things. Second, keep mankind confused about right and wrong by distorting the context.

Third, wrest control of the universe out of God's hands." "And the truth?" "We lost the battle when Moses had a chat with a burning bush.

The only choice left is to fight a delaying action." "That's it?" "It's all we have been able to come up with."