The book of big excuses

This book will teach you that * you're unlikely to get away with pretending to be dead. * it's better to dump someone with no excuse at all than to tell them it's because they only like early Radiohead. * sometimes, giving a genuine excuse is far more embarrassing than saying nothing. * pretending to be an answering machine is never going to be convincing. * you should never attempt to eat your underpants under any circumstances.