Everything I'm about to tell you occurred exactly as I say. And I don't just mean the stuff about Deadwood High, and my fight with Carla Santini over the school play.

I mean everything. Even the things that seem so totally out of this solar system that you think I must have made them up - like crashing the party after Sidartha's farewell concert in New York - they're true too. And nothing's been exaggerated. Not the teeniest, most subatomic bit. It all happened exactly as I'm telling it.