Fumbling Towards Freedom : Initiations on the Path to Awakening

My journey is one of soaring to heights of ecstatic experience and diving to devastating depths, exploring the caverns of my soul, and shedding much of what I knew to be myself along the way.

I share what I have learned from my own experience.

Ever since I can remember I have wanted to know why human beings suffer, what causes this ache in the soul and the longing to be free. I have come to recognize that as human beings, we are on an evolutionary journey. I call it the "Alchemy of Awakening."

Each one of us goes through rites of passage, times of initiation by Life itself, testing times when we are asked to shed aspects of our personality and identity, and strip naked to face the new-the unknown-so we can grow and awaken in Consciousness.

For me, it has been helpful to embrace the idea of initiation, as a way to recognize and acknowledge how we gather wisdom.

My rites of passage have included making love for the first time, exploring myself through drugs and altered states, traveling the world on my own, finding a teacher, acquiring skills, becoming a teacher myself... and then, of course, letting go of it all and encountering death. Each step is a doorway to a new dimension of life.

Similarly, I have found it helpful to understand the phases of a rite of passage, which I can summarize like this:

Unraveling, when we are asked to let go of our old identity.

Descent, when sinking into the darkness of the unknown.

Limbo, when the old has gone and the new has not yet come.

Emergence, when we sense the new and begin to explore it.

Integration, when we find ways to live out and express the new.

When things happen too soon and too fast, however, and are too overwhelming for us to integrate, they cause trauma which leads to coping strategies, such as self-abandonment and addiction. So please remember, in this tale, as I blunder my way from one transition to the next, that many times I was forced to change before I had the wisdom and maturity to embrace it.

And yet, through all of this, whether we know it or not, Grace is guiding us on a journey towards individual awakening and collective evolution.

And with our whole planet now suffering from our acts of ignorance, greed and exploitation-which threaten our very future-I think you will agree that a more mature approach to life is way overdue.

Here, in this book, I share the story of my grace-filled journey, my personal challenges and my own rites of passage. My wish is that my story gives you hope and inspiration for your own growth and awakening.